This Holidays

Writen by Kathryn Marion

Wasn't it New Year's just last week? And here we are within days of Thanksgiving again! Another year has zoomed by and they're getting faster and faster—especially if you have children. When you think back over this past year, have you done all you wanted with and for your children? If you're like most of us, you feel like you've fallen at least a little short. With the holidays fast approaching, this is the easiest time of year to get caught up in the busyness of the season and leave our children feeling less than involved and not terribly important.

This season can be a magical one for our children, filled with happy memories, or it can be one filled with feelings of emptiness as the adults in their life are too busy to pay them much attention. Afterall, there are menus to plan, guests to invite, the house to clean, tables to set, and decorating to do.

It's up to us as parents to make sure that our children don't grow up with anything but happy memories of Thanksgiving—the ushering in of the most joyful season of the year. Here are eight things you can do this Thanksgiving to help make it a special one for your children (and you!):

1. Consider not having a 'traditional' Thanksgiving meal this year, with its huge and unending portions and the stress of getting everything on the table at the 'right' time. Spend the day instead at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen serving families, and children, who don't have the option of a huge spread of delectables this year. Children are naturals at wanting to serve others, and seeing children their own ages living a life very different than their own can be an eye- and heart-opening experience they will always remember. Then go 'low key' with turkey sandwiches, fun finger foods, and maybe a special punch on Friday or even Saturday at home by the fire. Children will remember the activities and emotions more than the food.

2. If yours is the house where everyone will be congregating this year, don't stress yourself out by trying to do everything yourself and everything 'perfectly.' This is where children feel the most left out during the holidays. It may take a little more time to sit down with your kids and ask for their input on the menu and decorations for the house, but they'll love feeling like they played a part in making it special for everyone. Put a few non-traditional foods on the menu so they feel that the meal is for them, too, and not completely geared toward adult tastes. Have them make placecards to put on the table. Let them choose the music (from a pre-censored list you make up). Station the children at the front door to greet your guests and take their coats. Have a few topics of conversation ready to bring up at the table that specifically include the children, so the adults don't monopolize the airtime. The more involved they are and the more personally they get to interact with the guests, the more enjoyable and memorable the day will be for the younger crowd.

3. If you'll be traveling over the river and through the woods this holiday with small children, being prepared is your best defense against having a chaotic trip that you vow never to make again. Each child should have their own bag (tote bags are best) or box (a plastic one with a snap-on lid is great). Allow them to put their favorite books inside, then add paper, crayons, pipe cleaners, a sticker book, crossword or word search puzzle books, and any other small artsy items your children would enjoy. A clipboard is a great way to give them the nice, hard surface they'll need for drawing, and it can keep the papers in order as well. Buy a ream of multi-purpose paper from an office supply store and you're guaranteed not to run out, and it will be a lot cheaper than buying those little pads at WalMart. Crayons do best in a Ziploc bag since the boxes they come in usually only last to the city limits before they get torn apart. If your kids are particularly fussy, you might want to create a schedule and distribute these items on an hourly basis so they have new activities to look forward to.

4. While traveling, especially in the car, it can be very tempting to load the kids up with toys, books, movies, and video games to keep them quiet and occupied all day. But if yours is like most families, with two working parents and kids at school all day, the time spent in the car can be precious family time. Use at least some of it to get reacquainted with each other. Talk about what's going on in everyone's lives, what they're looking forward to, their dreams, their friends, their interests. You may discover something you never knew before! And the more you know about each other, the closer you'll be and the better you can help your children through this struggle called childhood.

5. Take some time during this break from school to reconnect with your children. Schedule at least one night—maybe an entire day—to spend just hanging out at the house, picking on finger foods, listening to music, and talking. Talk about anything that interests them: a book they read, how much they think they 'hate' science class, hobbies or sports they enjoy, their friends and extracurricular activities. Really talk about them—don't just mention them or let the kids off with a mumbled 'yeah, it's OK' type of response. Set the casual atmosphere with music and food so the time is relaxing, not structured or formal. Sit on the floor in front of a fire. Have hot chocolate. If they're hesitant to open up to you, open up to them. Talk about what you liked, or 'hated', when you were their age. Once they realize that you used to be a kid, too, it may help them 'relate' and get the ball rolling for a closer relationship.

6. Children, especially young ones, are natural entertainers, plus… they love to learn and they need to develop at least passing public speaking skills before they reach adulthood. Why not use this occasion to put these all together? Have the children put together a short play depicting the first Thanksgiving, or maybe an original skit with the theme of thankfulness. Have one give a proper introduction; perhaps another will narrate the story; and if you have a third (cousins are great for fill-ins) they can wrap things up by introducing the cast of characters. Be sure the video camera batteries are charged up for this one—it'll make a terrific DVD for your kids to show their children someday!

7. Our family uses the Thanksgiving weekend to set up the Christmas tree. Decorations are made up simply of white lights and red bows. Because the whole idea of Thanksgiving is giving thanks, the red bows are placed on the tree one at a time as each person states something for which they're thankful. With our family of six, we go through one at a time and start over again until the tree is fully decorated –we each get to state at least a half-dozen 'thankfuls' this way. A written list of the children's thankfuls goes into their scrapbooks each year.

8. You may not feel like an award-winning parent, but you have figured out a lot of neat 'tricks of the trade' that have helped in sticky situations or solved an everyday problem you faced in your family. Don't keep all your valuable 'nuggets' of parental gold to yourself—in the spirit of giving, share your success with other parents. One way to do that is by visiting www.SmartestThing.com and submitting your success story or advice to be used in a new book titled "The Smartest Thing I Ever Did™…as a Parent" which will be published next year. Not only will you help other parents who have found themselves in the same situations, but you'll receive recognition with a byline and bio (and if you own a business, you can pick up some free national exposure by including your web address). "Give and you shall receive!" What could be better?